


we used to talk about forever

by towokuwusatsuwu



Series: Pride 2018: 30 Days of S.W.O.R.D. [20]
Category: HiGH&LOW: the Story of S.W.O.R.D. (TV)
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Established Relationship, Gender Dysphoria, I hc Murayama as shorter than he is in canon because I can, Introspection, Love Confessions, M/M, Polyamory, She's in the background but Noboru is mentioned a lot so, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-05-26 20:44:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15009095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/towokuwusatsuwu/pseuds/towokuwusatsuwu
Summary: “What did you come all the way out here for?” he asks, kicking an empty soda can out of his way, listening to the satisfying sound of metal pinging off of the pavement. “You really should have called ahead. I could have arranged a warmer welcome.”“Your people don’t seem to like me all that much,” Cobra muses.If only he knew. “It’s not that. Everyone’s on edge because of everything that’s happened, so having you show up probably frightened them. So, what did you want to talk about?”





	we used to talk about forever

Murayama Yoshiki is asleep when Todoroki shakes him awake, hands gentle on his shoulders, not wanting to aggravate his injuries or (more likely) piss him off. Todoroki and his boys had been exempt from the battle with Kuryu because Murayama told them to stay home at least three dozen times, not willing to risk their safety just yet. Let it never be said Murayama doesn’t have a heart that beats fiercely for the people he loves and wants to protect. It isn’t his fault that outside eyes are not always privy to the emotions he keeps wrapped safely in barbed wire.

Todoroki leans over the arm of the chair, his glasses sliding down his nose. Without a second thought, Murayama stretches up a hand to push them back up. “What are you doing?”

“Someone’s here to see you directly.” The words have Murayama jerking up off of his favorite couch, almost butting Todoroki in the face in the process. For both of their sakes, it’s good that Todoroki has the speed and reflexes he does, fast enough to pull back. “Murayama-san!”

“Who is it? Kuryu goons? Doubt? Who’s here?” After the constant fighting and battling to protect his home, Murayama  _ might _ be a little trigger happy these days.

But Todoroki is fast and efficient when he needs to be; his chest is against Murayama’s back in a heartbeat, arms winding around him, pinning Murayama’s own to his sides. He’s strong enough that all Murayama can do is struggle for a moment before it sets in who is holding him; he goes slack at that, relaxes back into Todoroki’s arms. The man behind him is not one of the many men who would try to hurt him, and none of them would be so warm. Cold and calculating, they already would have slipped a knife between his ribs.

“Sorry to scare you like that.” Todoroki rubs his hands up Murayama’s arms, chin coming to rest on his shoulder; the height difference between them is maddening even on good days. “I didn’t think you’d have such a bad reaction. It was my mistake, and I’m sorry.”

Murayama takes slow, deep breaths to calm himself, letting his head fall against Todoroki’s shoulder. It had taken him too long— it had taken him his first confrontation with the man behind him in particular— to learn to love and value the people in his life the way he should. Now, though, he knows he can depend on them. He knows he can take a moment to breathe with Todoroki’s arms securely around him, keeping his reaction from swinging too negative and violent, keeping him put together when he might have just fallen apart.

He wiggles a little and Todoroki lets him slip his arms free so he can scrub his hands over his face, wiping away the residual of sleep. “Sorry for freaking out on you.”

“It’s not your fault. Don’t worry about it.” Todoroki kisses him on the side of the neck and Murayama shivers all over, but it’s pleasant. All of this is.

He should go downstairs and talk to this visitor of his, but instead, Murayama turns around slowly, links his fingers together behind Todoroki’s neck, holding him at arm’s length for just a moment so he can look at him properly. Unlike most of his boys, Todoroki is perfectly put together, uniform in place, hair combed, so heartbreakingly handsome that Murayama is pretty sure that on the long list of things he absolutely does not deserve in any way, shape, or form, Todoroki is pretty close to the top. That’s just how it is.

“Thanks for taking care of me.” It makes his face feel how to say it and Todoroki opens his mouth, presses his lips back together, and looks down and away from him. “Who’s come to visit me today, anyway? Please tell me Hyuga doesn’t already want his rematch.”

Todoroki’s lips quirk at the corners and he shakes his head. “No. I would have turned him away if it was him coming to fight, that much I can reassure you of.”

“Always taking care of me,” Murayama murmurs.

“You’re close, though. It is one of the other leaders.” Todoroki takes a deep breath and Murayama cocks his head, watching the interplay of emotions in Todoroki’s dark eyes. “Cobra’s at the front gate. Tsuji and Shibaman didn’t want to let him in without your permission.”

The mention of Cobra’s name dries out the inside of Murayama’s mouth and he inhales slowly, trying to feel the ground out beneath him. “You’ve got good boys with you, Todoroki.”

“I know that. Are you going out to talk to him?” Todoroki takes a single step forward so he can slot his hands around Murayama’s waist, giving him a faint squeeze.

“I suppose I might as well. If we’re going to make this pact situation a reality, then we’re going to have to talk to each other like adults, aren’t we?” Murayama heaves a sigh at the thought, leaning in so he can steal a hug, pressing his nose against Todoroki’s shoulder. There’s the slightest hint of body spray there, something unassuming that suits him, something to steel Murayama for having to see Cobra up close and personal. “I promise it’ll be okay.”

He knows that Todoroki has been here, in his life, for significantly less time than Furuya and Seki, which is most likely why the Cobra situation bothers him so much more than it bothers either of them. Not that it doesn’t still bother them, because Murayama has had to talk them down from doing anything about his feelings for Cobra, reminding them this is his situation to deal with… Or really, not to deal with.

Murayama does not typically run away from his problems when they crop out, more content to face them head-on with fists and determination, but Cobra is not a problem that can be easily swayed with these qualities. After all, their defining fight left Murayama on the ground, bleeding and certain he was missing something valuable in himself, something that was holding him back from being the best fighter he could be. His love for Cobra is part of his life, something he lives with each and every day, aware that nothing quite solves it for him.

What should happen is that he tells Cobra how he feels, and if Cobra turns him down as a result of this, Murayama moves on with his life, finds closure, and is happy with what he has. It isn’t like he has no one else, not like Furuya and Seki and Todoroki would not be there to catch him with open arms if he fell. But at the same time, Murayama stumbles over what to say, and when to say it. Showing it in his own ways— agreeing to the pact, showing up to save the day— it appeals to him so much more even if it says nothing in the end.

Well, maybe not  _ nothing, _ but certainly not enough to get the message across.

Todoroki escorts him down to the front gate, where not only are Tsuji and Shibaman waiting, but now so are Furuya and Seki. The four of them are an impressive protective force on their side of the fence, so much so that Cobra appears a little put-off on his side. Murayama snorts at the sight but otherwise lets it go because he knows his boys are going to protect him, and by extension, they would protect his heart as well.

“Come to visit me, Cobra-chan?” he calls out, his voice lilting on the words.

“Murayama-san!” Seki whips around to address him properly, Furuya glancing over his shoulder and down a little to make proper eye contact, and Murayama swallows the bile that rises in his throat. It isn’t Furuya’s fault he’s tall. “Apparently he just showed up here.”

Murayama clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth, wagging a finger at Cobra through the chainlink. “That’s very improper of you, not calling ahead. What if I was busy?”

“Were you?” Cobra asks.

“I was taking a nap.” Murayama shifts his attention from Cobra to Tsuji and Shibaman, standing centimeters away from the fence. “Boys, come here. Your job’s done for the day.”

Todoroki’s boys were a virtual unknown to Murayama for quite some time, but the younger classes mean little to nothing to him so he hardly had any reason to care. Now, he slings an arm around both of their shoulders, a quick squeeze of affection and gratitude before sending them to Todoroki. Not that Todoroki goes without a fight. His eyes burn into Murayama’s own, a silent question hanging in the air between them.  _ Do you need me? _

_ Not right now. _ Murayama wills him to understand the message, wetting his lips before trying for a small smile.  _ I’m safe. It’s just Cobra-chan. _

When the three finally give them some peace and quiet, Murayama steps forward to the fence, pulling the key free from his pocket that keeps the padlock on the entrance sealed. After Kuryu chose to attack his home, Murayama now keeps the fence shut and locked ensuring no one can get in without seeing him first, and the key never leaves his person. Furuya and Seki have copies because he trusts them, and Todoroki has a copy because his sense of people is better than most, but no one else does and Murayama trusts no one as much as he trusts the three men he already trusts with his own life.

“Murayama-san.” Furuya’s hand is light on his shoulder, as if he knows better than to interfere right now. “Are you sure you should be going to talk to him?”

Seki is at his other side in an instant. “This isn’t part of the pact. You don’t have to talk to him.”

“He came all this way alone. Don’t worry, I’m not going to invite him inside or anything.” He knows their concern is not Cobra within these walls. The last time Cobra came here, it was to rescue Chiharu, and there has been nothing since then. “We’re just going to have a friendly chat, and then I’m going to come back home. Lock up after me, will you?”

“Murayama,” Furuya says, voice softer now, more urgent.

When the lock clicks open, Murayama turns to look up at the man he considers his lieutenant, smiling up at him, a softer and more genuine expression than he was able to give Todoroki. “I know, Hideto, okay? It’s fine, it really is. Lock up for me when I go.”

He watches the monumental struggle in Furuya’s dark eyes before he finally sighs and dips his head so Murayama can’t see him anymore. “All right, Murayama-san.”

Murayama walks Cobra several meters away from the front gates, hands shoved in the pockets of his uniform, eyes fixed on his feet. In his head, he calculates how far away he is, how likely it is that his best men are still watching him from behind the fence, before he dares to lift his head and speak. Seeing Cobra behind the chainlink made his heart beat a touch faster, but only a touch. Maybe Murayama is still hung up on him after all of this time, but he likes to think he might be one step closer to being over Cobra, confession or no confession.

“What did you come all the way out here for?” he asks, kicking an empty soda can out of his way, listening to the satisfying sound of metal pinging off of the pavement. “You really should have called ahead. I could have arranged a warmer welcome.”

“Your people don’t seem to like me all that much,” Cobra muses.

If only he knew. “It’s not that. Everyone’s on edge because of everything that’s happened, so having you show up probably frightened them. So, what did you want to talk about?”

“I hear you’ve been spending a lot of time with Noboru lately, in Kizzy’s group.” The way Cobra says this has Murayama’s eyes sliding to the side so he can look up at him, brows furrowed. “She, ah, said you’ve been a great help for her on some issues and I wanted to thank you in person for that. I can’t always be there to take care of her.”

Murayama scoffs and shakes his head, looking away. “You don’t need to take care of her, Cobra-chan. She’s a strong woman and she can take care of herself.”

“I know that, you know, logically. But she’s suffered so much and she’s struggling with this so openly now that I feel like… Like I should, like it’s the right choice to make.” Cobra sighs and Murayama turns the words around in his head, the meaning behind them. “I can’t make it easier for her, I mean, there are ways? I know there are things I can say, I can hold her, but I can’t fix her body, or the way she looks at herself, on my own. So, I just… Thank you for giving her new ways to look at things, ways to be herself that don’t hurt her so much.”

“Ah, well. That’s the point of all of us coming together, so don’t thank me for it. Some people start later than others, it’s harder for some of us.” Murayama shrugs, overwhelmed by Cobra’s words, but the intensity laced through his voice.

He knows how much Noboru means to Cobra, has known it since the first day he saw Cobra, Yamato, and Noboru together. Though it was difficult, Murayama kept his voice measured around her, not wanting to frighten her, not wanting to expend his frustration with the situation on her. She has enough to handle now, and though Murayama might not want to admit it, he wants to help her in any way that he can even if all he can offer her are his words. She deserves a helping hand, and Murayama would offer it to anyone in her position.

It makes him a poor love rival, he thinks, unable to handle his competition. Extending kindness to her, and graciousness, and help when she needs someone to talk to. He does his best to help her when she asks him and for whatever reason, he finds himself doing it every time.

Maybe he doesn’t have it in him to be as cruel as he thinks he can be, after all.

He isn’t prepared for the hand that clutches his shoulder and spins him around, and Murayama throws his hands up automatically, prepared to shove Cobra back— Only it’s Cobra so he just freezes in place, his hands up as if to ward the Sannoh Rengokai leader away from him.

“Because the two of us are friends, she feels safe going to you. Do you realize that?” Cobra’s eyes burn all the way through and Murayama doesn’t know how to answer him. Doesn’t think he could if he had to. “You agreed to the pact first. You came to help us defend the White Rascals. You’re always there. It’s made her think that she’s secure with you.”

“Is that bad?” Murayama asks, trying to keep the snark from entering his voice.

Cobra sighs and lets him go, and slowly, Murayama lowers his hands. “No. You and I might not always see eye to eye on everything, but Noboru having someone she can talk to is important to me, and to Yamato, so I’m in your debt.”

“You really aren’t. I’d do this for her whether you were her boyfriend or not.” Murayama fixes his gaze over Cobra’s shoulder because handling those eyes right now is not within his range of ability. “Anyway, if that’s all you came to say—”

“It isn’t.  _ Yoshiki. _ Look at me.” Cobra’s voice is hard around the edges and Murayama’s head snaps so that his eyes bore into Cobra’s.

“You just called me by name,” he says quietly.

Cobra’s lips twist into a small smile and he nods, taking another step forward, the two of them close, dizzingly so, closer than Murayama has been to him of Cobra’s own volition. It’s usually Murayama himself who pushes the comfort level, walking right up into Cobra’s personal space just because he can, because Cobra will always tolerate it instead of pushing him away like he really should at this point. But Cobra never quite makes good decisions.

It’s how he ended up chained up, cement nearly funneled into his gut. Murayama didn’t have to see it for the words Kohaku spoke in his low and soft voice to set panic through his blood.

“I didn’t come here just to thank you for that. Really, it just. Made things clearer for me, clarified a few things.” Cobra wets his lips and Murayama wonders, distantly, if Cobra knows just how beautiful he is. “I came here to tell you that if you want it, and I think you do, that… Maybe the two of us can work something out? We both have partners but—”

Murayama’s throat closes instantly but he fights through it because he has to. “What?”

“I should have talked to you about this earlier,” Cobra admits, and he rubs the back of his neck, looking somehow smaller and less impressive. Nervous? Cobra-chan is nervous? It can’t be. “I had so many opportunities after our fight, I guess. You asked me for advice, you wanted to talk to me again. You’ve always been just within reach, but I just… Never went through with it.”

This isn’t making sense. Maybe Murayama’s brain is still too fogged over from sleep, or maybe this is just some fantastical dream that he never would have been able to think up in his waking hours. Every time he worked out this conversation in his head, he was the one speaking Cobra’s lines with far less eloquence and nervousness, more brazen claims, words thrown like fists, making what should be sweet into something hard and ugly. It’s why he never said anything at all. But never,  _ never _ did he imagine Cobra reciprocating his feelings.

So how could he ever imagine Cobra confessing to him first?

“You can’t be serious,” he says, his voice pitifully weak and small in his throat.

“What?” Cobra looks up at him, his lips parted, maybe in shock. “Murayama, I—”

Murayama throws his hands up again, taking a few steps back because he needs distance, he needs time, he needs to think— And he knows he isn’t going to get any of that right now, not with Cobra right in front of him, saying things Murayama never dreamed he would hear from those lips. The same lips he’s been desperate to kiss, to taste, to feel moving against his own— They can’t be saying such sweet things to him.

“You can’t be standing here saying these things to me.” It feels like a switch has been thrown in his head, everything sharp and defined before his eyes. “This is just a dream. I’m still asleep.”

Cobra’s brow furrows and then he’s suddenly in Murayama’s personal space again, taking Murayama’s hands in his own before Murayama can shove him away, and their fingers fit too well together. “This isn’t a dream. You’re awake. I’ve been trying to come out here and talk to you for days, but when Noboru came home yesterday from your group with Kizzy, she was glowing. She told me that you two had talked before we came to get her, and the things you said to her… And I knew. It was like a sign.”

“How does that make any sense?” Murayama demands, voice already harsh.

“Do you know what always held me back? Yamato and Noboru.” Cobra’s lips twist and Murayama stares at him, not comprehending. “I was worried that if I was with you, that if you couldn’t get along with them, I couldn’t  _ choose _ between you. Even if the three of us were not together, they’re my best friends. I couldn’t push them away, but I’d already thought that if I ever told you the truth, and you didn’t reject me, I couldn’t push you away either.”

It clicks into place slowly, piece by piece. Cobra refused to confess to him out of fear that Murayama couldn’t get along with Sannoh, and though Murayama should feel slighted in some way by this, he understands it because he knows what it means to put your friends first now. Hadn’t Cobra taught him this very lesson? He wouldn’t have chosen Cobra if it meant alienating all the people he loved, if it meant pushing away Furuya and Seki, and Todoroki.

But Murayama has been kind to Noboru, or as kind as he knows how to be to someone who falls asleep in Cobra’s arms every night. Was that really all it had taken? Small moments between him and her, small conversations and shared experiences? Something so little?

Cobra lowers their hands but he keeps holding Murayama’s, and Murayama’s hands… Are smaller, and softer even as they’re bruised and callused from fighting, and he hates that so much. Hates that he can’t stand on a level with Cobra, look him in the eye, because he’s smaller, shorter, and he  _ hates _ it. Wishes that this didn’t have to be tarnished with how his body doesn’t fit just right, or look just right, or even just the way he wants it to be, wishes it to be, because there are only so many things he can change before he’s satisfied.

“I’m just…” Cobra lowers his lashes a little, and licks his lips again, and Murayama wants to kiss him so fiercely it hurts. “I’ve been in love with you for a long time, Yoshiki.”

The words are like a vice around his throat and Murayama can’t breathe suddenly, the crushing weight of Cobra’s confession, the way his binder bites into his skin— he needs to get it off as soon as he’s back at Oya High, because he knows it’s almost time up— the way Cobra looks at him, peeks at him from behind his hair, from under golden lashes like he’s afraid of Murayama’s reaction. Can a man be so oblivious, so blind to what’s right in front of him?

But Cobra, for his golden heart and silver tongue, is an idiot, and Murayama knows that.

“You idiot,” he rasps out, his throat so dry even as the corners of his eyes sting, and he can feel a flush crawling up his cheeks, hot and uncomfortable. Cobra’s eyes widen and he blinks, and he looks so  _ hurt _ for a moment. “You’re such a fucking  _ fool. _ ”

Before Cobra can look at him like a kicked puppy any longer, Murayama wrenches his hands back so he can take Cobra’s face between them, the soft warm skin, the bruises and scrapes, because all of them have hurt  _ so much _ but none more so than Cobra, and he kisses him. It’s messy at first, and note quite the right angle, and their noses bump up against each other, but Murayama never gives up on the first attempt and tilts his head so their lips slot perfectly together, pulling Cobra down because he’ll be  _ damned _ before he stretches up to him.

Cobra’s arms slide around him a moment later and his body softens, leaning down further until Murayama’s hands are less grasping and more cradling. He slides a hand into Cobra’s hair because he can, because Cobra is right here in his arms, surreal as it is, kissing him soft and smooth, nothing rushed or needy like Murayama thought kissing Cobra might be like. It’s slow and soft and Murayama’s chest flutters at the sensation. He wants to commit every detail to memory— Cobra’s soft lips, his hair silky around Murayama’s fingers, the way his hands press into the small of Murayama’s back, holding him close and urging him closer still.

When Murayama leans back to get a breath, Cobra’s soft brown eyes are so close, and so warm that it makes him feel shy, like he wants to twist away and hide. “You’re an idiot to think I’d turn you down when I’ve been pining after you all this time.”

“Have you?” Cobra looks so surprised that Murayama wants to slap him, the hand still tangled loosely in his hair twitching, but he doesn’t want to ruin this soft and quiet moment. “I can’t believe I didn’t notice. But… So, wait, does that mean that you—”

“I love you, too, Cobra-chan.” Murayama’s tongue feels too wide in his mouth and he swallows, not sure what to say, where to go from here, but the words are finally out and it feels so good it hurts. And when Cobra smiles at him, too wide and all bright eyes and happiness oozing out of every inch of him, Murayama groans and squeezes his eyes shut. “I need to be getting back now. Need to get this binder off because it’s seriously starting to bother me.”

Cobra cocks his head, and his hair falls into his eyes just a little, and it isn’t fair that he looks like a model every time he  _ shifts _ just slightly. “Any reason you can’t take it off right here?”

Murayama doesn’t want to say it out loud, that part of him is afraid to be so vulnerable in public, but it’s early and no one is around, so really, he doesn’t have a reason to be afraid. This close to the school, no one would dare come to close to him anyway. “I… I suppose not.”

“Here.” Cobra backs him up into a wall and spreads his arms, his soft overshirt fanning out around him just a little. “No one’s going to see you. I’ll close my eyes so I don’t see, either.”

He makes good on his promise to close his eyes, and Murayama has done this before, taken off the binder under his hoodie that he does it with ease now even though the fabric is tight and restricting and getting it on and off can be a bit of a challenge, especially now when his hands quake just a little. But he manages and tucks it into the front pocket of his hoodie, leaning up to kiss Cobra on the nose to tell him he’s done, and really, just because he can.

“Better?” Cobra asks, opening his eyes once more.

“Yeah.” Murayama leans against the brick behind him, and Cobra leans into him, his hands coming to rest against the bricks, keeping Murayama in place. “I really should be getting back, though. They’re going to be worried about me, and it’s not fair to make them worry.”

“Can I come back with you? I kind of got the impression they were worried about you being around me. You can show them I’m harmless.” Cobra’s lips quirk on the last word and Murayama rolls his eyes even though he leans up against Cobra’s chest, wanting the closeness and the warmth, and he just, he  _ can _ now. It’s okay now.

He pretends to think about it, then noses Cobra’s throat, a little too delighted when Cobra shivers. “I guess. Might as well let them know, right? Do yours know why you’re here?”

“Yeah. I’ll have to bring you to Itokan to introduce you properly as my boyfriend. Th-that is—” Cobra stumbles, and Murayama’s heart trips. “That is, if you want to be.”

“Idiot,” he mutters, then louder, “of course I want to be your fucking boyfriend.”

Cobra slings an arm around his shoulders, and Murayama takes him by the wrist, keeping his arm in place.

**Author's Note:**

> the group cobra and murayama are talking about is featured in [you know it's never too late](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14923538) if you want/need more information on that.


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